Although it’s been eight years since I’ve had a real summer break, there is still something about the summertime that signals a slower pace of life that I find refreshing. Aside from the onslaught of record-breaking heat, I enjoy a more relaxed season of playtime. I might add that it is also a time for a welcomed reprieve from the horrendous daily commute in Austin’s traffic with all of the college students away for the summer.
However, summertime now ushers in a season of reflection and remembrance of the past three consecutive years of painful loss with the deaths of two grandmothers and my college roommate. I admit, the commencement of this summer was not without the cautious wonder if this summer would hold another passing of a dear loved one.
There is a song I heard recently by Steven Curtis Chapman called Angels Wish. While driving to San Antonio back in May, I found myself listening to this song over and over again. I kept hitting the rewind button; I’m sure I listened to it at least 20 times. It captured my heart. It surfaced so many thoughts and much emotion. Take a brief moment to read the lyrics. Or if you’d like, you can listen to the song (no fancy music video, just the music).
Was God smiling when He spoke the word and made the world?
And did He cry about the flood?
What does God's voice sound like when He sings, when He's angry?
These are just a few things that the angels have on me
Well, I can't fly at least not yet
I've got no halo on my head
And I can't even start to picture heaven's beauty
But I've been shown the Savior's love
The Grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things the Angels only wish they knew
I have seen the dark and desperate place where sin will take you
I've felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
Come breaking through with a sweetness only tasted
By the forgiven and redeemed
And someday I'll sit down with my angel friends
Up in heaven
And they'll tell me about Creation
And I'll tell them a story of Grace
Well, I can't fly at least not yet
I've got no halo on my head
And I can't even start to picture heaven's beauty
But I've been shown a Savior's love
The Grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things the Angels only wish they knew
There was something in the lyrics and the melody of this song that made me immediately think of Cita, Becca, and Gaga. Reminiscent. With a sense of sorrow thinking of their deaths. Rejoicing that they are the forgiven and redeemed. Imagining that they are sitting, maybe even together, in heaven with the angels. Swept away in wonderment at what heaven’s beauty must be like. Wondering what parts of their stories of grace the angels long for those three ladies to share with them. Wishing they were still here. Thankful they are in the Presence of their Savior. Trying to grasp that they know God in the fullness of His glory.
And then I was keenly and humbly aware that I have a story. A story that even the angels only wish they knew (1 Peter 1:10-12)! How utterly mind boggling that is to me. How a human being such as myself, who is so messed up, could be so loved to have been given the gift of grace and forgiveness through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ in His death and resurrection that even the angels long to know such a wonder, is incredible! While I might not be hangin’ with the angels yet flappin’ away my gums, permit me to provide a glimpse of just a few things they’ll hear one day:
Rescued from cycles of anger and hurting myself, yes. Recipient of joy and abundant help to be a mommy when I was so scared and didn’t really want to be a mommy, yes. Witness to His power and might in healing my parents’ marriage while growing up, yes. Blessed with a husband who loves me deeply and helps me laugh, yes. Helped in overcoming fear and anxiety of failing and an unhealthy perfectionism, yes. Born to two parents who love me, who lay their lives down for me and are my dearest of friends, yes. Thankful that He is my Defender and Protector when I’ve felt so vulnerable and hurt, yes. Amazed that in times of confusion about ‘what’s next’, that He’s brought peace and led the way, yes. Praising Him that He gives me purpose even in the daily tasks of laundry and cleaning toilets, yes. Astounded that He has brought me through 5.5 months of pumping for Brennan, yes. Given the beautiful gift of life-long friendships, yes. Grateful for the ways He’s pursued me and remained faithful, even when I have turned away in anger and been faithless, yes. Humbled that He has surrounded me with women who have invested so much in my life and instilled in me a passion for His Word, yes. Received immeasurable amount of comfort when grieved to the core, yes.
I have a story. A story that I will gladly share with the angels while Cita enjoys a good book, Becca plays guitar, and Gaga dances.
Lord, thank you for all of the “yes’s” of grace, You and You alone, have given to me.
