Mirriam-Webster defines the verb “cave” as “to cease to resist—to submit”. That’s exactly what we did.
When Matt and Brennan ventured to Chick-fil-A for breakfast after our 4D ultrasound two weeks ago, I wrapped up my appointment meeting with the physician’s assistant whereby she gave me two important things: 1) the icky orange drink for my glucose test and 2) a sealed envelope as per my very spontaneous request.
We sat through the 45 minute ultrasound appointment not wincing once about the gender. Based on the ultrasound, I would say Skittles was a boy, maybe because the profile pictures looked so similar to that of Brennan’s, and well, you always see things that make you wonder, “I bet that was…you know.” Our family was captivated by the images we saw before us that they at least distracted us for awhile. Weeks leading up to the appointment, it was getting harder and harder to not know. For Brennan’s pregnancy, it didn’t seem difficult to wait, but this time, it was eating at me.
When I joined the boys for breakfast and told Matt a sealed envelope with the gender secret was sitting in the car if we ever wanted to open it, he was astonished. He couldn’t believe I was the one who was caving in, because in the past, I’ve been the one strong enough to hold out. In fact, he was caught so off guard, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. He did a complete flip on me and was holding ground to wait.
So wait we did. The envelope was a burning force in our home constantly beckoning me. Temptation with a capital T. I was at times tempted to secretly open it by myself, but I promised Matt I wouldn’t. Most of the time I wanted the precious secret to be revealed, but there was a nagging unsettledness in me wondering if it was because I wasn’t trusting God with the baby He’d set apart for us from the very beginning. Not that I think finding out the gender of a baby is innately wrong or that it’s a trust issue for everyone, but I had to make sure that it wasn’t an issue in my heart before I could find out. Mostly because I’d always envisioned having one of each gender. I am amazed at how completely head over heals I am with baby boys and would gladly love a brother for Brennan; it was a matter of giving over years’ of envisioning having one of each, probably because that’s what is in my family of origin. I also didn’t want to be eaten with guilt for finding out or feel anticlimactic. So I wrestled. Daily. Several times a day. Vacillating back and forth. So wait we did.
We had dinner with our dear buddies, Chris and Jill, four days later on the Sunday before her doctor’s appointment where she was planning on asking her doctor if there was a way for her to have her c-section that day instead of waiting another week and a half. As we scarfed down our Rudy’s sausage like we hadn’t eaten in years, I threw out a wild proposal. Again, completely spontaneously.
I told her that if the doctor said “yes” to delivering the next day and she went ahead and had baby boy Hays, I would open the envelope and find out whether Skittles was a boy or a girl in her honor. She’s always dying to know, threatening to find out from the doctor since we have the same one. Somehow, Matt just laughed at me, likely thinking ‘slim chance’ she’ll have Hays the next day.
Fast forward to Monday. Jill’s body was saying, “No, not yet”.
Fast forward to Tuesday morning. I groggily pulled myself out of bed and read through Facebook status updates; I know, not the greatest first read of the morning. But that morning, it would be a marker for two families. Behold, Jill’s water had broke and she was on her way to the hospital to deliver Hays! We’d missed the birth by one day! I say ‘missed’ because she lives in Dallas but was set to deliver in Austin, so we missed seeing Hays in Austin by one day and the wild proposal of finding out Skittles’ gender was also foregone.
That morning, the desire to find out boy or girl was so strong I couldn’t take it anymore. And I’d had time to speak with Jesus about my heart and submit to His plan, to cave into Him.
Matt was still in the shower when I said with a gleaming smile, “I want to open the envelope. We missed the agreement with Jill by just a day. Let’s still do it.” As if that would hold any real sway with him. But he said, “Ok, we’ll do it this morning when Brennan wakes up.” He was also pretty excited and ready.
The two of us bounded upstairs with the envelope burning in Matt’s hand, walked into Brennan’s room to greet him for the morning and open up his blinds to let in the sunshine. It was a gorgeous morning on Tuesday, April 19th.
The three of us sat on the floor next to Brennan’s train set and let the moment sink in. It felt surreal and wonderful and life-changing all at the same time. We prayed together as a family, submitting this before Him, recognizing the precious gift of life He’s blessing us with, asking that we wouldn’t feel guilty but joyous in the discovery of the amazing secret only He has known from the beginning.
After praying, the boys sat across from me, Brennan on Matt’s lap and my hands held open before Jesus to receive the announcement. Brennan has been learning the sounds of the letters so he and Matt slowly opened the envelope together and Matt asked Brennan, “What sound does this letter make?”
Stay tuned in tomorrow for the outcome…
Just kidding! That would be cruel, yet fun <grin>.
If I remember correctly, Matt had to ask Brennan what the sound of the letter was twice and finally, the sound of the ‘G’ came perfectly formed out of the mouth of my priceless boy who is going to be a great big brother.
Yep, there on the piece of paper that had been carefully sealed was the written message, “Congrats! You are having a baby GIRL!”
We are thrilled and so thankful for this healthy, precious gift, and we can’t wait to meet her!
Jill happened to be the first person we called, having found out in her honor of course <grin>. An hour before Hays’ delivery, she knew we were having the baby girl she was so sure we were having.
Caving in was delightful. Knowing in my heart I caved into Jesus’ plans first made it all the sweeter.
Simply trusting,
*Forgive me for any typos or errors; I’m just so excited to get this out to y’all I haven’t edited or crafted it very well.










