Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives.
Titus 2:3-5 (The Message)
As a tween and young teen, I gawked at Janna and Kim, two young women four years older than me. They were everything I wanted to be: girls who loved Jesus and obeyed Him, having a close, intimate relationship with Him; girls who were kind and thoughtful to others; girls who were funny and wise; girls who actually cared about me and let me hang out with them, making me feel accepted and not awkward. More beautiful and less insecure. They were the kind of teenage girls a parent dreams about their daughter choosing to imitate.
Ms. Tovar: as my first grade teacher, she helped instill in me the love of learning. And she was one of our most favorite babysitters when my folks went out of town. I wanted to wear the same perfume she wore. Mrs. Gommersal: I’ll never forget the first blatant lie I remember telling. And it was to her. It didn’t take long for me to get caught, and she was gracious to forgive me. She also gave me Chirpie. Tycha: (I had to get used to calling Tycha “Mrs. Stading” when she became my third grade teacher. Upon entering the fourth grade, I quickly reverted back to “Tycha” and it will stay that way.) You’ll never meet another person who loves life and people more than Tycha. She can make any kid who hates school end up loving it. She’s a life-long friend and adopted mother of mine, adopted grandmother of Brennan’s. Mrs. Lujan: boy, did she scare the livin’ daylights out of me that first of day of fifth grade! Once we got that all sorted out, it wasn’t long before she let me see her soft, warm heart and didn’t waste an opportunity on me to join her family at an Hispanic flamingo concert. Mrs. Springsted: only an understanding teacher would allow me to bring my bunny to class one day, the bunny she knew I was absolutely in love with and talked about incessantly, the bunny who was my bestest buddy in 6th grade. Even though I didn’t have a knack for testing into the “gifted and talented” programs at school, she gave me a go at it and believed I could do it. Mrs. Peevy: she had her “Meghan’s spot” by her desk saved for me every morning before school and during lunch. I was the abnormal kid who wanted to hang out more with the teachers than the students. Her door was always opened to me. While I never had to use the quarter she gave me in case I ever had an emergency (these were the pre-every-middle-school-kid carries a cell phone days), I knew she would come to my aid in a heartbeat. Ms. Capshaw: she saw something in my character that I didn’t, and she didn’t give up on me though I tremendously lacked in math skills. Mrs. Trominski: wasn’t a math teacher I had personally but someone I went to for tutoring sessions, ‘cause math was going to be the death of me! She had the patience and endurance to see me through it. Mrs. Peterson, well, Diane <grin>: she deserves a whole paragraph of her own as we continue to stay in touch and she’s a dear friend of mine. As my high school English teacher, her room was also open to me before school where we shared heart-felt conversations about all sorts of things. Dogs are one of the loves we have in common, as well as reading, writing and traveling. She was a safe person to confide in and gave up her own time to help me write a speech I was to give in front of the student body. She has prayed for me nearly every day of her life since I met her. These dear ladies are some of the most significant women in my life as my teachers, all from public schools I might add. I was humbly given these mentors to encourage me; to instill in me a love of learning; and who offered me trustworthy friendships--just the refreshing respite I needed in an environment that we all know can be filled with thorns and stickers. As Antique Mommy eloquently put it recently, “a good teacher always goes with you, in some small way, wherever you go.”
Marjorie, a 60-something sweet, sweet lady who let me come over to her home to simply spend time together. She wouldn’t have to say a word; her presence simply exuded the character I wanted to have. Even when she was facing the most heart-wrenching time of her life, she was filled with grace and a tender confidence in Jesus that He would carry her through. She introduced me to Anne of Green Gables. And that says a lot!
As a twelve year old girl, I sat on a bed listening to Christine teach. I have no recollection of what she was teaching, but I very clearly remember being frozen in fear thinking that she could see right through my soul, that she could see as clear as day that I had a crush on her son. I get sweaty palms just thinking about it even now. She may not have known it right then and there, but she certainly discerned it through the years, and loved me all the same. She’s loved me as her own. Aside from my own Momma, Christine has been the singular most influential person in my life and in my relationship with Jesus. She beautifully reminds me of the woman who lathered Jesus’ feet with perfume to prepare His body for burial. We’ve shared many breakfasts at Village Inn together as I poured out my heart. We see each other every now and then, but there is probably not a week that goes by that I don’t wonder, What would Christine say. She’s marked me that much.
Her “China Doll” I always was. Indelibly, Gaga was a woman who shaped my life. Ever the cultured, sophisticated and beautifully dressed lady, she instilled in me much the same manners and appreciation for the arts and classic movies. However, I’d much rather dress in a t-shirt than dress to a “t” any day—except for a special occasion. There was not one significant school or extracurricular activity that she missed. She was the first to integrate into my life the love of travel and the appreciation of various cultures. She was the one who taught my Momma how to love and take care of her family so well. It takes a special grandmother who would wake up to the gentle shakes of an eight year old at 6 a.m. ready to play another game of Uno. Meems, beware; Brennan was playing with the Uno cards the other day.
There are those ladies whom you watch from afar, wanting desperately to somehow be among their circle of friends because you admire what you see. There’s something about their life you want to capture; the wisdom and grace they live out is something you want to radiate from your life as well. It took a lot of courage for me to muster up to pick up the phone and call Gloria, asking her if she would consider meeting me on a regular basis as a mentor. For several years, we sat across the table together as I shared with her the deepest longings and most intimate prayer requests of my life. As a young wife and mother, a priceless gift in your life is to have someone older than you encourage you in this unchartered territory. Well, you feel like it’s uncharted, but in reality it’s not. Those who have gone before you are just who you need to make it less scary.
I’d never see Cita without a book; her coffee table and bookshelves were filled with them. We’d discuss our shared enjoyment of the Mitford series while Papa made his famous eggs and bacon in the background. She was an example to me of courage as she battled cancer and a proponent of living life to the fullest. And as a wise woman, she would have said forgiveness was probably the most important virtue to have in marriage.
You all are familiar with all of the mother-in-law jokes. You may have even made them up yourselves. But if I can handle Brennan getting married and leaving our family to cleave to his new wife with at least half the dignity and strength that Ruth has done with Matt, it will be a very good thing!
College is such a fun, transformative time of life. Thanks are due to Mary who kept me on the straight and narrow, welcoming me into a small group of girls that she met with weekly. I was so thankful she didn’t boot me out the first meeting we had when my alarm didn’t go off in time and I was late for our 6:30 a.m. gathering. It’s a good thing she lived just right across the street from us. Here is a woman who counts her life worth nothing, if only she may finish the race and complete the task of testifying to God’s grace. She’s known pain and loss. In fact, most of the ladies I write about have experienced hardship and difficulty. But they have stayed the course and not given up. Somehow through it all, they’re able to love Jesus all the more.
One of the most difficult parts of our first few years of marriage was my anger towards myself that blatantly came out in all sorts of ways. At the time, I was also questioning God’s love for my family. Kathy didn’t give up on me. She prayed with me over and over until God had His way with me and set me free from a cycle of anger and hurting myself. She pressed in and came before the Lord in prayer on my behalf. She stood with me to see this captive set free.
These women whom I’ve written about have all been older than me, trusted advisors and friends who have taught and mentored me. They exemplify beauty and grace, dignity and strength. They show me how to love others more fully and sacrificially. But there is one who stands out among them all: my Momma. I know I’ve exhausted my word count by at least 1000 words, but stick with me because I’ve saved the best for last. We look a lot alike, which I’m thankful for. But more than anything, I want to be like her, for she loves and serves others with a joyful heart. When I hurt, she comforts me. When I need help, she comes running in a split second. She makes me laugh. Just this week she wrote about mammograms in a way that had me in stitches! She loves Jesus and wants Him to engulf her entire life. She is a safe refuge to the underprivileged kids she works with and the other teachers respect her. She is an amazing cook. Ever need a place to crash? She’ll make you feel right at home. She can be trusted. Fervently praying, it’s no wonder her knees are so out of whack. One thing I did not inherit from her: her ability to press on in strength despite pain. I want to be served chicken noodle soup and homemade chocolate chip cookies in bed and declare from the top of my lungs that I don’t feel well, whereas she knows how to endure and not complain. She’s a beautiful artist. And a cheerful giver. She’s an example of a suitable helper for my Daddy. Growing up, I would often be embarrassed at how cordial she was to strangers, like the grocery store baggers. I’d roll my eyes in annoyance and think to myself, Why does she talk so much to everyone? We’d be out of here a whole lot faster if she didn’t. Thankfully that foolish part of me has dwindled and now she’s the first person I think of when I interact with other people, remembering how her kindness and bright smile would bless others.
As a stay at home momma, I can attest to sometimes feeling like I could be doing so many more worthwhile things. Or sometimes, it’s just simply a matter of really wanting to do anything else besides what I’m doing: something that offers recognition and acknowledgement. Something that you can at least get a good grade for, or be put on the honor roll, or win an end-of-year award. I’m sure my Momma felt like that at times, but never once did I question that she would rather be doing anything else than be my Momma. It was a role she fully embraced with excellence. And I arise to call her blessed!
I’ve wanted to write about these older women who have shaped my life for some time now. They vary in age, in backgrounds, in professions. Some of them have been direct mentors in my life and some family members. Some I’ve asked to be taken under their wings and some were placed in my life by someone else’s decision. But all of them, in some way or another, chose me as a young girl to invest in, to teach and encourage. All of them were divinely placed women whom God orchestrated to be a part of my life for specific reasons at a specific time. Some of them are mothers and some are not. But in honor of Mother’s Day, I want to recognize these dear ladies who have loved me and given of themselves, who have served me as if I was their very own daughter.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You’ve made a difference in my life. You are loved and appreciated and remembered!
Happy Mother’s Day!
