After looking back at pictures of my pregnancy and Brennan's first two months, this momma is sentimental. This momma is reflective. This momma is reminiscent. This momma is head over heels for a little boy. The more and more I bond with and get to know the little fella, the more I'm taken by him. He sure is a doll-face, except for when he's being burped and thinks he's not getting any more food. Oh, ya'll, I tell ya: it's just the end of the world for that little boy! Before we get on a plane to go to Virginia in June, I seriously hope he's phased out of it or we're gonna be kicked off that plane so fast. And well, I've already had my fair share of stare-downs from people who weren't happy me and Brennan were selected to sit by their table in a restaurant, for how dare I bring a baby there! The stare-downs were just from coming their direction. Good grief! Can I, therefore, be seated on the wing of the plane, away from everybody? The view is much better out there anyway.
For awhile now, I've wanted to take Brennan on a special "mommy-son" date back to The Steeping Room. Albeit a tea room, it's the place I went when I was pregnant with the boy, hoping to take some time to bond with him during all the ups and downs of being with child. And remember, I didn't know he was a boy back then.
So last Thursday, he and I got dressed up, smellin' all good and fresh (at least for 10 minutes or so). If he stayed awake, I'd talk to him throughout lunch; if he fell asleep, I planned on working on the book, Love Letters to My Baby, the book I found that same day I went to The Steeping Room and started writing in last June.
We were pleasantly seated inside by the hostess, (we only got a few looks from other patrons which made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I could very well just be over-sensitive about the matter ), and I sat him in his car seat next to me. He was the most jovial fella, trying so hard to stay awake for his momma because he knew we were on a special date (at least that's what I like to think). I talked his ear off and I'm not lying, every sentence I uttered brought forth a beaming smile. His gaze was fixed on me. My heart: melted like milk chocolate in my mouth. He was such a gentleman!
Confession: I still get really nervous taking him out. He's a good baby but if he gets tired and isn't quite comfy in his car seat, then he gets a little fussy. I can't seem to fully enjoy the moment because I'm leery of the possible fussiness and always thinking about how to handle the situation. I have to constantly tell myself to relax and enjoy the moment. So I tried. I tried to forget the people around me who kept wondering why this momma kept oohing and awing and sneaking pictures of her date. <grin>
He started to get a little tired toward the end of our lunch and wanted out of his car seat, and I thus became anxious. He was fine when I held him, but I didn't want to push it. I'm much more relaxed if Matt is with me, but if I'm by myself or with a friend, I am more uptight. So we wrapped up our lunch, I took my chocolate cupcake with butter-cream frosting to go, and the soothing movement of walking quickly knocked him out.
But what I choose to remember about this priceless lunch was not the anxious feeling I had about making sure he wasn't disruptive to other people, but the endearing grins I received by my precious baby boy who was utterly fixated by his momma. I can't quite describe the magnificent feeling it was to know he was captivated by me and showing off his toothless grin to bestow joy upon the one fixated on him. Just last June, I could barely imagine myself as a momma, having difficulty accepting this new role in which I was about to set foot. Oh yes, I still move forward in the role with some trepidation and much, much cluelessness (is that even a word?). But as I reflected upon that June afternoon at The Steeping Room journaling about the baby in my tummy, I couldn't help but be taken aback at the blessing I now saw sitting next to me. For what once only seemed like a figment of my imagination, and one to be feared at that, now sat a real-life prince.